Market reports that make you laugh

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March 7, 2010 by Tracey S. Rosenberg

Well, they made ME laugh:

Writing Competitions.

This contest in memory of Glasgow artist Hannah Frank, whose career spanned an amazing 75 years, is for poems of up to 40 lines inspired by one of her many black & white drawings (see the website’s Gallery). Entries can be in English or Scots. Putting words such as ‘Och Aye’ and ‘Hoots mon’ into your poem does not make it Scots, incidentally. Scots is a separate language known only to a handful of lonely academics in Scottish universities. More people speak Klingon. Avoid.

Incidentally, many people in Scotland do say ‘och’ (though the last person who said it to me originally hails from Northern Ireland, so I’m not entirely sure what the spillover proves).

For this contest you need a mobile phone. Well, everyone’s got one, haven’t they? No. There’s still one person in the British Isles who hasn’t. Me. I don’t like phones of any sort. I have one that plugs into the wall but I never answer it when it rings. I think: ‘They’ll ring again if it’s important.’ They seldom do, and if they do I never answer it and they never ring again – which proves they were just time-wasters. Now, I may seem to be rambling a bit here, but hey, what do you know, this turns out to be relevant because you mustn’t ramble in this competition. Limit your stories to 154 characters (letters and spaces, not people), and while you’re about it, refrain from using abbreviated TXT gibberish, as this is not welcome. At last – someone is fighting back on behalf of the English language! There is a different theme each month.

If you enjoy a good war and love to write about it … then you are probably not the sort of person this American contest is aimed at. They don’t actually say it’s for anti-war poems, but poets are generally expected to be against carnage, so we must read that into the script.

I know very little about this competition from the Partners Writing Group except that they run it every year and tell me very little about it.

I have no idea who writes these little editorial comments, but I think I like him. And he ends his market listings with a useful, if pessimistic, link….

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Photo credit: Rahima Subhan

Tiny bio

I live, work, and write in Edinburgh. I travel to other places as much as I can. To contact me, email writingmostly at gmail dot com.

Books

CURRENTLY READING: The Ginseng Hunter by Jeff Talarigo.

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