Writing exercise: EE pitch session

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July 26, 2008 by Tracey S. Rosenberg

And another one: Thanks to the advent of time travel, famous authors from throughout history are able to come forward in time and pitch their works to Evil Editor. Choose a famous author/work and write the scene, a pitch session at a major writers convention. Here it is on the site.

“All right, folks, make it snappy. I have a date in twenty minutes with a chick named Sloane, and she promises there’ll be cake. First!”

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was –”

“How long does that sentence go on for? Criminy, learn what a period is. Next!”

“It is a truth universally acknowledged –”

“Yawnola! Start with an explosion. Next!”

“Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road –”

“I don’t handle kid stuff. Next!”

“While the present century was in its teens –”

“Don’t touch YA, either. Man, this batch is the pits. NEXT!”

“This is the story of what a Woman’s patience can endure, and what a Man’s resolution can achieve.”

“If I want resolution I’ll hire a graphics designer. Next!”

“Now, what I want is Facts.”

“Weren’t you in here before? What I want now is a bourbon sour, and none of those frou-frou maraschino cherries. Next!”

“I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up.”

“Oh, how very clever – no, not the sentence; the fact that my ex-wife is hiring starving writers so she can twist the knife a little more! Tell her if I hear one more word about that yacht, I’m delivering it in a matchbox. All right, last pitch. This had better be good.”

“It was a dark and stormy night — ”

“Whoa Nellie! That’s brilliant! Get Random House on the phone! If this doesn’t get a seven-figure floor bid, I’ll eat my hat!”

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Tiny bio

I live, work, and write in Edinburgh. I travel to other places as much as I can. To contact me, email writingmostly at gmail dot com.

Books

CURRENTLY READING: The Ginseng Hunter by Jeff Talarigo.

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